trying to change

I don't believe anyone in this world could ever change me, as much as I can't change myself I don't think anyone can.i am a very stubborn and insecure person,I can't express my feelings to anyone as much as I try I just can't.they just die before they're born. and it hurts seeing my Loved ones hurting because of me,it's so hard for me to even console them. It's like im a beast watching someone whipe in front of me, because of me and I just stand there and watch... I sometimes run and lock myself in my room and cry till I sleep. Im pretty sure by my looks you'd think I'd an angel, well yeah I am but I don't believe so..