Ch. 1 -the knowing

i wake up looking at my phone. i see bts post on instagram so i click. I read " sorry to all army but we are going to disband. Buy tickets for our last concert at this link -------------" i click the link and but tickets. I hug my pillow and cry, " why, Why WHY WHY WHY WHYYYYY. THEY CANT DISBAND I LOVE THEM. THEY HELPED ME THROUGH SUICIDAL THOUGHTS< THROUGH DEPRESSION. HOW JUST HOWWWW" i yell while sobbing and crying