i had lost my identity, i had led my life into a downward spiral of my own doing - as i carefully threaded the pieces together of my downfall. perfectly and carefully done, so as to ensure and deceive myself that everything up until this point in my life was fine. that i was fine. when i truly and utterly wasnt. i lied to myself and to others. i deceived many, i deceived myself. i led myself into killing myself. almost.