Author's note

"And maybe life isn't meant for everyone..." My therapist said, taking off her nerdy glasses and I could already see the sparkle in her eyes. And my therapist gave up on me just like everyone.

My name is Lilith Gray, I'm a seventeen years old teenager. My name simply means the night ghost, it suits me. Ghosts put on their human-being masks and get out to the streets like nothing's wrong with them, while I put on my colorful clothes and pretend like nothing's wrong with me. I'm not dead, but not alive either. I'm just a ghost with a beating heart. I'm the one who's never good enough. Not for her friends, her family, boys, anyone. I'm the bounceback. I'm the second choice.

I wasn't a suicidal teenager, like I had never thought that my depression would take me that far. It's not much that I wanted to be dead, it's that I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't want to live through that shit alone. I didn't want to pretend like I'm fine, wearing my colorful clothes and my bold makeup to cover the bags underneath my eyes.

Until that day came when my boyfriend dumped me. He told me he's leaving because I smoked cigarettes. I stopped in fear of losing that one I thought loved me forever. I went by his place to tell him that I broke my bad habit. I saw him pressing his lips against someone new. The only thing I hit against my lips was a cigarette. I was mentally, emotionally and physically numb. I went to walk by the ocean but it asked me for a goodnight kiss, and all I did was making out with its salty taste.