Journal

Edward never came back after that day in the woods, a time that seems so long ago. He just isn't coming, and he never will again. At first, all I could do was deny. I sat hopeless for months, a year, just waiting. Depression has still yet to leave me. At least I have a friend in Jacob. He is there, in my darkest moments, and I know what he want's, but I just can't give him that part of myself, I can't ever open up to someone again. My heart just won't heal from this wound...Right?

At the time, I didn't think anything was different. I had failed to realize something was changing, something about the very core of my being. But it did, and I was never the same.
Fear, is one thing I can rely on, cold, hard fear of this unknown part of myself, about what I could become. Am I finally strong enough to be without him? Fear that this new part of myself will forget about the thing that was so essential to my being. Yes, I am scared that with my new life, I will forget him, the very person that abandoned and forgot me, and wis undoubtedly with someone new, a vampire who can be for him what I never could. Why couldn't I just let go, and be happy with my new life? Why do I cling to these memories of someone who doesn't love me? And now, even if he returned, I am repulsive to him, the very being that his kind hates... I have someone in front of me, and now I am accepted by his kind, am I really so much of a coward that I can't let him help me, love me?

In this continuation of Twilight New Moon, Edward never came back in New Moon, and it's JacobxBella, but it's probably not the kind of thing you would think of when thinking about this certain 'what if'.