Prologue

This is the story of how I died.

Yeah, yeah, I know that line's from a film or a book, or somewhere else (there's no network down here in the afterlife, believe it or not, so I can't look it up - even if I did have a phone); but there's really no other way to put it; I die, and what I'm about to write tells you all about it. Simple as. Gods it sounds boring already.

(I'm going to need a better name for this thing, but it'll do for now)