My Heart Wants What It Wants || Jikook

Chapter 81 - Convince Yourself

Jimin's P. O. V

After I left Jungkook, I decided to work as a salesman in a small toy store. Namjoon hyung helped me too, he paid my tuition fee in the school.

I was lonely, I missee Jungkook every single day, but then I'm happy too because I know he keeps on watching me.

He might not notice but I did, I noticed him looking at me from afar. I knew he was stalking me, and that fact made me happy.

4 years I didnt allow myself to have a boyfriend, cause I know Jungkook still loves me, and I still love him too.

But then, one day I had to go to Jin and Namjoon hyung's wedding. I left Seoul and went to Canada.

I was happy for the both of them, that I realise I want Jungkook and I to be like them too. So I decided to search for him, to know how was he doing.

But I was shock when I looked at the news. That he keeps on drinking, he even did drugs.. And it made me realise he didn't change at all.

I was disappointed, not just to him but also to myself.. I was disappointed cause even though he hurted me, he broke me.. I still love him that time.

One day I was walking on the park and I saw this familiar guy who was running with his dog chasing. I smiled as I remember diminie and Jungkook, I hope there okay, I knew Taehyung gave it to him back, but I still hoped diminie is fine.

When I keep on staring at that guy, I realise it was the guy from Seoul who saved my life. It was namie...

After seeing him again, we hanged out a lot of times, and he confessed a countless times too..but I rejected him every time he confessed. It was so hard to replace Jungkook, I loved that idiot guy with all of my heart.

But then, I realise that I can't move on if I don't open my heart with somebody else so I accepted his feelings on his birthday.

He was courting me for a year and I finally said yes.

We were so happy, he worked as a math teacher and I, a reporter, sometimes a host on events.

2 years later he proposed to me.. And I said yes.. I'm happy when I'm with him.. I care about him too...

But then a year later, rumors spread, they said Jungkook will comeback, I didn't believe it, but then, one night I finally did. I was the one who's assigned to report about Jungkook's comeback and after that, I went home crying on the bathroom.

I hated my life, I hated my heart, I hated my decisions.

Its very impossible, I still love him.. what the fuck is wrong with me.. Its been 8 years, a freaking 8 years.

Why is it really hard to let go of your first love?

I'm getting married 5 months from now.. I keep telling myself I moved on but I don't really.. But sometimes it works..

A week later, the company assigned me to be Jungkook's interviewer on his first appearance on TV after 4 years of being gone..

I decided to say yes, cause I want to prove that I don't have a feelings for him..

But now, being in front of him..

I ask myself..

Why is it hard to pretend?

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